Keepin' It REAL: There's Power (and life) In The (un)Romanticized Breastfeeding Tradition + #DoulaProgression

At the end of May I traveled up north to Xwlil'xhwm, to help a friend with her baby. Xwlil'xhwm is the pre-colonial name for Bowen Island, British Columbia, a city just outside of Vancouver, in Canada. Even though the reasons I was there weren't the greatest (my friend has ruptured discs in her back and literally could not lift her daughter for diaper changes, baths, or for anything else), I really enjoyed being there and being able to help out.

Being at the home of a radical Black Feminist queer human rights lawyer, for two weeks, as you could probably guess, had its amazing moments -- I'm sure you can imagine some of the discussions we had. Aside from being in the company of someone with congenial worldviews, and having those conversations Black women have in each other's presence that affirm our very existence, something I was so impressed with in is her outlook on Black breastfeeding -- her progression, where she went from being adamantly against the tradition to where she now 'cannot imagine not being able to have breastfed' her now one-year-old daughter. It really made me think about the way we discuss the tradition and also the power of 'keeping it real'.

Let me explain what I mean.

*I asked my friend for permission to share some of her story on this blog*

Even though she lives in an environment where breastfeeding is promoted much more than here in the U.S. (even though she says this is just a surface level idea, since actual support is greatly lacking), when I first mentioned breastfeeding to her when she was just entering her second trimester -- about the importance of breastfeeding for Black woman, she, like so many others in our culture, was not buying it. The messages about our bodies being reserves for others, along with other areas of concern about gender identity, was at the forefront of her thoughts. After that seed was planted, and with some encouragement to examine her biases and trust herself, she began looking into the tradition more.

She will be the first to tell you that she did not want to breastfeed. That initially she did so begrudgingly, even after she began learning of the benefits. That she wanted her daughter to have the best health possible, was still met with reluctance. Some people may view this as 'selfish' but I view this as a very powerful and something that can allow us to draw more people in and examine the deeper issues of breastfeeding for Black women and Black people, who feel this way but never truly discuss it. I think it humanizes our experiences. And it humanizes breastfeeding, and can help start new conversations on what it means to our community.

I can't help but think about breastfeeding and the way it is always romanticized -- how most only discuss how much they are in love with it. I'm not saying that many women who breastfeed do not have feelings of overwhelming joy when it comes to being close to their child in this way -- I've heard many of those. But I don't think I've ever heard of another woman who said they just did not want to breastfeed because of the reasons stated above, and only did so because of the benefits. Usually I find that aside from a few stories about how to decrease pain or hearing about other issues with practical matters -- engorgement, for example, often times these conversations about deeper issues and how this truly affects our desire or even ability to breastfeed, are lacking.

Am I making myself clear?

Another friend of mine talks about issues within the Black community -- about how our 'secrets' have been and are continuing to kill us. She says in order to continue to live, we must talk about things that are not easy to talk about, and that telling her story keeps her alive. I know some pretty awesome people. And I'm sure you can see where this is going in the context of breastfeeding.

Today my friend is even impressed at how far she has come. She says she cannot imagine not having breastfed, and recognizes that even though it took a long time to get to the point where she is now (and she has exclusively breastfed her daughter since birth), instead of viewing her milk as only nourishment, she recognizes breastfeeding for Black women as a site of empowerment, where issues that have been steeped deep in racism, gender normative identity, white-centric views and separation of Black women and our children, can be deconstructed. Nursing is her baby's 'home'. There was so much other good stuff we talked about in this area and I will definitely get into that eventually.

I think visiting was more than just about washing dishes and laundry, running errands and carrying a precious baby girl around. Aside from my love of Black women, and actually putting into practice that when I better care for other Black women I am better caring for myself, I truly believe being there opened an avenue towards a new set of ideas on ways to challenge issues that run deep in our community that have been situated for generations and viewed through this lens. I don't agree with mainstream perspectives on how breasts, bodies and even gender identity and others are exploited, and are big issues situated between an infant and its mother (and many others), but while we work towards dismantling those notions, how do you think the idea of 'keeping it real' -- hearing more stories of 'breastfeeding begrudingly' would work towards our cause?

#DoulaProgression

I thought I'd give you a quick progress report on my journey towards doula certification. The great news is I talked to Shafia Monroe the founder of ICTC, and she told me that my Certified Lactation Educator certificate will count as 'auditing a breastfeeding class', so that's such a plus. Also, I'm just an inch from being signed-up for child CPR and will be taking this course soon. Next, I plan to audit a childbirth class, read and write a review/report on the last two books on the list -- and oh ya, help some women give birth. I reckon that would help.

An LGBTQ #BFing Giveaway! (Closed)

From Professor HIJKLMNOP!

I think it was getting out of the house the other day and seeing some friends that put me in a better mood (and I have to say a slightly silly one) than I had been in over the past few days -- you know, with the Black enmity, and all. What also helped was watching these guys, who had me cracking up so hard my belly ached -- so I decided to have a small giveaway! I created this pinback for the Anti 'Breast Is Best' Shop, since I didn't really see anything out there denoting LGBTQ breastfeeding -- so I just got a little creative and made something myself! The picture looks huge, but this one here is a 1¼ inch pinback, and really, really cute. Just read the details below to enter. 

Leave a comment on this post by next Tuesday and it will count as your entry. All names will be entered with a winner selected at random via random.org, and announced in next week's blog post. Leave your email address with your comment: yourname (at) emailserver {dot} com, net, etc. Winner must respond within 24 hours, or another will be selected. This giveaway is for one pinback, and is open to U.S and international participants. 

If you appreciate giveaways on the Lactation Journey Blog, please consider donating $1.00 USD, in order to help me offset the shipping & handling charges I incur to bring these to you. Thank you in advance for any consideration.

Update: There were several of you who said you were unable to leave comments on this post, in order to enter. I am so sorry about that. I contacted the comment system disqus, who said things seem to be working OK. I am not sure if there was a glitch in the system but don't worry -- I'll have another giveaway soon. 

Gay men, social control, anthropology and nursing in public. What do these all have in common?

It never would have crossed my mind that trying to raise awareness around breastfeeding by calling into an internet radio talk show, would turn into an hot zone for confrontation -- or that it would be a place where I'd find myself being called a 'dyke' or 'ho' in the middle of just about every other word from the room. I previously wrote in to the host and recommended a topic, since she always suggested we do so, and because I thought it would be a great opportunity to get more people to recognize the importance of breastfeeding, how it affects us all and just as crucially how we can find ways to support each other and get more people to pitch in. She decided it was a good topic, and I was very impressed when I found out she did some research of her own before beginning the program, and she and I talked for a while, while others listened in and used the chat room to talk more about the subject. And the show was going well. But of all the things that keep me awake at night, this one held me down with a special weight, and after a decent amount of crying from the intensity from everything that happened on Sunday, I fell asleep and had a nightmare, which is rare for me. 

The tragedy here is that while talking about breastfeeding -- the benefits to mother, child and overall society --  things were going so well. I really enjoyed speaking about why Black people need to make ourselves count in supporting breastfeeding women. And how just by doing so raises awareness and contributes to the overall health of our community -- and empowers all of us. We also talked about other practical aspects, too, like colostrum, and fore and hind milk, infant formula and a number of other related topics. Things were fine! But that was all before the show went off the air and another listener called in to explain to us the reasons behind the ban on women who nurse in public, which she staunchly believed is because men -- "gay men are controlling the strings in society and hate women's bodies so much that they've stigmatized the act" -- and the host agreed! But not only did these two women agree that gay men are the root cause of the issue, but also that "we live in a homosexual-based culture, and this is what society needs to see in order to get to the bottom of it all!" And they told me I needed to recognize that also. 

I won't argue that men are at the root of public breastfeeding discrimination. That they have taken women's bodies and continue to commodify and exploit them for sexual pleasure, is indisputable. That stance has been adopted by the majority of society to not see breasts as a site of nourishment for a baby, but for pleasure, and that we have, even as women, adopted that as truth. I won't deny it. But I don't really know how to take this -- the gay thing. I don't know how to put it in front of me and dissect it at all, except look at it for what it is -- at face value. 

Even though there's a very big part of me that wishes I would have just left early on -- that instead of sticking around and trying to change the perspective of these people by telling them that their so-called objective views on homosexuality are only perpetuating the division, neo-colonialist and puritanical views this room full of Pan Africanists oppose every Sunday afternoon I should have just folded. And even though I've been trying to get better about choosing exactly which battles I'll fight, wonder what that would that have meant for me -- as far as being compliant and supporting this viewpoint I feel so strongly against? But I just couldn't wrap my brain around what they said. The society I live in denounces same-sex domestic partnerships, and just about everything else. It seems like on a daily I'm reading about another teen who has taken his own life, or how some legislature has been shot down prohibiting people who love each other form sharing a legal union, or that someone is fired, ostracized or killed. Maybe I missed something.

The reality is by taking such a stance, the women on the line and the others in the chat room are not doing anything that contributes towards a more just environment nor helping to increase the health of future generations. It is not raising awareness, it is not getting more Black women to breastfeed and it is not helping to end disparities -- especially the ones that affect those of us in the room the most. But the only thing I can hope for is that even in the midst of it all, there has to have been some kind of progress made -- in breastfeeding and perspectives. And I do agree one one thing she said -- that "Not being able to feed your baby in public is a form of oppression."

And this, my readers, is my 100th blog post.

After a great deal of reluctance, I have embedded the episode from that day. What is so unfortunate is the conversation went so well, until the show ended and we began to stream and another listener called in. On the link below, I call in at around the 63 minute mark and the other listener at 114 minutes, but shortly after that my cell phone signal dropped. Keep in mind this is not the entire episode, since once the show ends on Blog Talk Radio we move to the 'After Party,' a different forum where we are able to continue chatting through the online chat service as well as through webcam. It was insanity.

Disclaimer: Queen Ifama always uses very strong language during each show. If you are sensitive to profanity, you may consider skipping over listening in.

         Queen Ifama AKA on Blog Talk Radio

Transgendered Men and Breastfeeding

Someone tweeted this article from the Milk Junkies website about transgendered men and lactation, which I thought was awesome, since I'd been on the hunt and it's not something you hear everyday. The article provides information for lactation educators who find they don't know how to address unique experiences of transgendered males:

Tips for Transgender Breastfeeders and Their Lactation Educators:

Latching will likely be particularly tough. Lactation advisers should know that trans men may face special challenges in latching their babies - accomplishing a deep latch can be very difficult with next to zero breast tissue. Teaching a trans man to make an effective "breast tissue sandwich" is essential to successful and reasonably comfortable breastfeeding. Using an SNS on top of this makes breastfeeding even harder. A first time trans breastfeeder will need lots of extra hands to help with latching and using the SNS

Lactation consultants should be aware that in the case of a trans guy who has not had any chest surgery, he may have practiced years of breast binding to flatten his chest, and this, of course, may affect milk production. There's more -- continue reading the article here.

I'm super excited about this story, since I've been wanting to find ones on the topic. I hope more transgendered folks share more of their experiences to help us help each other in the breastfeeing realm. Do you have anything to add?

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